I think it’s safe to say in our results-oriented culture, we’ve heard or experienced the cautionary tale of the cost of chronically “Doing More”. Most of the time in the personal development space is the alternative to "Be More” but even that can turn into a never ending hamster wheel of exhausted self-improvement.
It’s tempting to fault our ambition or drive as the problem. We tell ourselves that “Maybe we shouldn’t be so driven, we shouldn’t go for great, we should just settle down and appreciate what we have.” But I’m curious. Where did we start to believe that being driven and being content can’t co-exist?
Is there a place where you are both profoundly grateful for everything you have and are experiencing AND ALSO you are insatiably curious about what’s around the next bend?
I would posit YES. I’ve seen it.
Drive comes from DEFICIENCY or drive comes from DEVOTION.
One is from shame and fear and one is from love.
This is beyond the old “carrot” or the “stick”…this is from the intrinsic joy of healthy rigor versus self-punishing hustle.
Go listen to this interview. from the late, and legendary, Kobe Bryant. Seriously, do. There’s good stuff there on so many levels.
Notice about minute 4:30. Did you hear where Kobe said, “being excellent IS fun”?
Those who excel in their craft, sport, or business understand what it means to fall in love with the nuances of the journey to get there. There is a behind the scenes drive and dedication in the practice rooms, practice courts, gyms, workshops, offices and labs that cultivates excellence.
It’s not the TRAIT of drive that is the problem…it is the SOURCE OF ENERGY you come from that will make the difference.
Are you striving because you LOVE the process of becoming excellent? Or are you impatiently pressuring yourself for the results (and driving yourself from the fear and insecurity and discouragement that “you aren’t there yet”)?
I have a deep love for the people I work with—and some of them are intense. I dig that. Obsessed about the nuances of their craft, be that business, athletics, artistic expression, performances. They are committed to every phrase, every movement, how they fuel, etc.
So, even though it’s in vogue right now culturally to chill on the intensity, that leaves those who thrive on rigor and intense engagement feeling not quite ok to be themselves. They can’t fit themselves very easily into a casual box. It’s not what they are wired for. It’s not even what brings them joy.
When they come to me, they have some real hangups regarding their ambitions. They might be afraid of it because in the past it led them to burnout, anxiety and angst. They might not even want to use that word “Drive” or “Ambition” (and may have even been taught that its not “spiritual” or “nice”) but they come ALIVE when I ask them about their passion, their ideas, their vision, the way they want to express or make a difference next.
The silent question that hangs between us is, “is it safe to really be me? To bring ALL of me, even the intense nerdy sides?” And, when they finally unfold—realizing that I’m not going to talk them into or out of anything they are---it’s game on.
This reminds me of one of our furbaby dogs. She’s a husky. Huskies are built to think independently and to run. They are intensely focused and pretty near impossible to “call off” when they catch sight of something they want to chase. To try to make my husky more relaxed and to fit into a snuggly, lazy, strolling kind of dog is a great disservice. (To both of us, honestly---they are a JOY to see thriving in their element).
It’s much more fun to plug into their passion and to work with it. It’s much more fun to see them fully alive and being a husky.
This is also my desire for all humans. It’s why I spend some time up front with someone checking in with their internal“alignment” (what’s important to them, their valueset, their energy levels, perspective, etc). They must be fundamentally aligned to live into and express the highest version of themselves. Not only in potential output but more so in elevation of experience.
Even the intense ones... and actually, full confession…the intense, nerdy, obsessive, devoted, even quirky ones are my favorite. It takes one to really know one.
If you’ve been hustling and about nearing the end of your “try harder,” don’t necessarily fault your intensity. It might be time to upgrade both your strategy and the source of your energy.
If you’ve been trying to squeeze into a box and identity too small or limited for you..
If you secretly admire drive, ambition, etc., but have been scared to admit it...
Embrace you.
Be as intense, focused, devoted and brilliant as you are.
It's not always about DOING more, it’s about BEING more.
It’s not always about BEING more, it’s about being YOU—but being the real, alive, expressed YOU MORE.
Game on.