Remembering Resilience
Facing the unknown is hard. It’s primal. It reminds us that we aren’t in control of the microcosm or macrocosm of our lives, no matter how much we might think we are. And, it’s in the unknown where we discover our truth, our strength and our potential to rise. Resilience isn’t the ability to “make it through” something. Resilience is the choice to purposefully engage with what shows up.
Here’s a question process that I’ve found helpful over the years to re-center when it might be easier to spiral.
Think of it like mental-emotional strength training for the resilient mind, the honest emotions, and the adaptive actions.
What are you feeling?
You have permission to feel ________________. (Afraid)
It’s a universal human emotion. You can’t “transcend” being human no matter how hard you try.
There is a RELIEF to be had when we give ourselves permission to be honest and to be human.
Where is your attention?
The emotion can stay, but you can CHOOSE where you place your attention
What you focus your attention on most grows. You can feed the fear or you can feed your calm. Don’t worry if you feel afraid right now (that’s normal). And, you CHOOSE where to spend your time and energy. That includes what you are reading, listening to, and talking about. If you spend most of those activities focused on what you fear most…the panic will grow.
The fear doesn’t have to go anywhere. It will be there. But your attention can to elsewhere. You direct your attention.
What is true?
Nothing is more grounding than truth. When you make up a scary nightmare for yourself---that’s not real. When you make up a fluffy fairytale of denial for yourself---that’s not real. The following questions will help you be awake and honest.
What is OUT of my control?
What is WITHIN my control?
What is REAL RIGHT NOW?
How am I scaring myself?
Be honest about what’s NOT good for you right now. If you have a child who is scared of the dark, it’s not GOOD for them to watch a scary movie scene right before bed. We all understand that.
Stop making stuff up about the future. Stop making stuff up about the past. Stop taking to heart to those who are doing that, too. Be the loving adult in your own life who knows better.
Who do I know myself to be?
Remember a past challenge, when all seemed lost, and yet you navigated it. How did you show up then? What strengths did you bring to the table? Who are you ACTUALLY at heart? Remind yourself of your inner strength, your inner “scrappiness”, your inner innovation, and your inner badass.
What’s MOST important to me right now?
Remind yourself of what’s solid. What you care about most. What you value most right now.
Prioritize that.
Now what?
It’s happening. You can fight reality, deny reality or you can face it.
Once you know what you are actually facing and what you are actually up against. Once you are reminded of who you actually can show up as at heart.
Now what?
What do you want to create instead?
Do you want to create a sanctuary home base?
Do you want to create stronger relationships?
What can you CREATE FROM this situation?
Give yourself something positive, solid and empowering to make of whatever you are facing.
Want an in-the-field short cut to these steps?
The easiest, most profound thing I have found to center me in the midst of an emotional or mental hurricane of fear or challenge is to get really still.
To breath.
To feel my feet and my fingers.
To pat my arms. My legs.
To realize that I’m still here.
You are still here.
We are still here.
And, you know what to do now. And you’ll know what to do next.
Be awake. Be grounded. Be present. That’s all we really ever have to do.