Let’s cover some focus basics. First, you frequently see what you expect to see. You feel what you are anticipating feeling. So, if you are focused on an experience being "hard" or "painful" going into it, that judgment will color your experience. Second, you can shift your focus at will. You can zoom in, zoom out, and bounce your focus to see a situation's different facets (and meanings). You can do this proactively, in the moment, and upon reflection. And last, focus is directly related to the mental meaning we make of a situation.
Have you ever had an experience that you labeled "bad" at the time but later realized, with time and hindsight, it also resulted in some "good"? Very rarely is a circumstance 100% bad without any good. Usually, though, the good is chosen as a facet of focus and personal power. We have the choice to be averse and fearful of what happens in our lives or to be wise and accepting of it (the healing energy of high love). Instead of allowing our attention to be diverted to reliving the pain, we can choose to focus on a facet of an unintended gift. The wisdom. The superpower. The depth that came from the situation.
Gratitude is choosing to focus not only on intentional noticing but also on faith. Have faith that there is a silver lining (lesson, blessing, etc.) because you will make it so, either immediately or later. That is the power of concentration.
To be created, a shadow requires the presence of light. We do not know at the start what the gift will be or our immediate capacity to receive it. We have the ability to say "thank you in advance" for that gift and allow ourselves to be filled with gratitude.
So that's 50% of your part—the mind part—in the gratitude equation. I hope that gave you some things to chew on and practice. Next, we will cover the other 50%—the body part.
Footnote:
This choice in choosing the meaning of what you have experienced or are experiencing now is something no one should "shame" you into doing. We do the best we can in any given moment, so there is no need for shame. Your focus and meaning are choices that each of us must make for ourselves. I’m guessing you’ve had some hard stuff happen in your life. It is a pain that you would rather not go through again. Me too. I can only speak from my own experience. By giving myself permission to let go of the negative interpretation and find something to be grateful for, I was able to open up my heart and mind, enabling me to have a more meaningful experience in life
I know that by choosing this particular "gift" in the darkness interpretation of some of my most painful experiences, I've invited gratitude and grace into my life. It wasn’t about the person or situation, it was about my choice to find meaning and receive blessings. (To read more about this, I think "Man’s Search of Meaning" is probably one of the most powerful authorities on the topic.)